Dragonfly, ladybug, beetles, I’ve been them all. Each year, every January first, I transform. I don’t even remember what it was like to be human. To have two legs, two arms, hair, and skin. I don’t even feel like myself anymore. New year, new me I suppose.

I don’t remember when it started happening but it’s been hell ever since. Trying to get dressed in the morning when all of your clothes are too small or too big. Trying to have an appetite for normal foods when you have the urge to eat aphids. New year, new me is for people who try a gym membership for two weeks in January, not a teenager who obviously took it too seriously. Dramatic things like this never happen to people like me. It’s pretty difficult living as a bug in a world designed for humans.

The day was slowly creeping up. January 1st, 2023. Just a few more days until my next transformation. I wasn’t looking forward to it whatsoever. It’s difficult trying to ease into a new body with its own limitations and boundaries. It was going to be interesting when I woke up.

After days of finally living out the skin that I was in, the night had finally come. I wrapped myself tight into my white linens, covering my head with a warm wool blanket. I was scared and couldn’t begin to imagine what I was going to become. A fly? Oh that would be dreadful. I didn’t want to be anything that small. Getting trampled by others and many bigger things.

As the nerves set in, I was unable to sleep. I didn’t know what I was going to be and I didn’t want to know. I couldn’t stop thinking about all my past forms and how they have led me to where I am today. I think my favorite was being a blue butterfly. Everyone loved me, I even loved looking at myself. Such a pretty iridescent blue. But I know that I could never be that pretty again. Heck, I could never be a butterfly again. I didn’t like that fact, but how I am supposed to cope. No one else in the world had the same problem as me.

I think I might stay in tomorrow. I know my family loves to go shopping after the new year, but I don’t want anyone to see me. What if I ended up as a giant worm? I would be a disgrace. What about a tick? Or a tarantula? People would be disgusted.

All the thoughts racing through my mind over and over again. What would I be? Who would even look at me? I hate who I am, no one likes me and the new year just brings dread. Who even believes in that “new year, new me” thing. I wish I was more grateful for what I have and what I turn into.

Sleep finally took over and my eyes began to droop. My dreams were filled with nightmares of embarrassing things I have done as various bugs. What I did and what I could’ve done. I could now feel the sun on my cheek as my eyes started to open. A peach color filled the bed and was tangled in the blankets. Was I human again?